[[Originally published: Issue #2, circa 1987]
SERIAL KILLERS is a lasting “hard-gore” band that’s made a name for themselves in the Philly scene through several years of good music and memorable stage antics (which include dismemberment and mutilation of band members). Aside from a vast well of talent, these guys have a great sense of humor. Here’s the interview…
SERIAL KILLERs is:
Sweet Daddy Paul Bearer “The King”, vocals and bong
Tim “The Strangler” Owen, guitar and hash under glass
Randy “The Rapist” Mayhem, drums and pre-teens
Bob Dikkie, bass and cigarettes
THREATENING SOCIETY: How long has the band been together?
SERIAL KILLERS: Since Stan Hansen won the AWA championship belt.
TS: How did the band form?
SK: The Strangler and Sweet Daddy met in a holding cell in San Francisco.
TS: What have you guys been doing lately?
SK: Doing drugs, committing crimes, laying the groundwork for world domination, recording a debut album, and roaming the highways in search of young female hitchhikers.
TS: Where do you like playing the most?
SK: Stripper and biker bars.
TS: The least?
BK: Anywhere the girls are ugly.
TS: What bands influence you?
SK: SYMBIONESE LIBERATION ARMY, G.G. ALLIN, MIKEY WILD & THE MESS, MISFITS, BLACK FLAG, SKULLS, and AUSSIE ROCK.
TS: Were you technical advisors to Gary Heidnik’s operations?
SK: No, but we read of his exploits daily and were in total awe. We will soon immortalize him in song.
TS: How do you feel about crossover, both musically and lyrically?
SK: They both suck and the end result is particularly disgusting. Dinosaur rock rules. The Rapist loves it though.
TS: What bands do like to play with most?
SK: Loud rockin’ bands, slutty all-girl bands, and MIKEY WILD.
TS: What bands would you want to play with most?
SK: We would like to play with KILLDOZER, TOM WAITES, JOHNNY THUNDERS, or the IDI AMIN EXPERIENCE.
TS: Do you plan to play in the Philly area soon?
SK: We will be appearing at a slaughterhouse near you.
TS: Do you plan to release an album soon?
SK: Yes. We have already recorded an album entitled “Roadside Rendezvous”, soon to be in your favorite record stores.
TS: Has your musical style changed any since you began?
SK: Yes. We now play electric guitars, and we got rid of the organ grinder and monkey.
TS: What do you think of the Philly scene?
SK: We don’t think of the Philly scene.
TS: What are your favorite venues in Philly?
SK: The J&G, Centerfold’s Lounge, Danny Boy’s, and the Forum Adult Art Cinema.
TS: What message do you give in your music?
SK: If it feels nice, don’t think twice. Don’t let the pain and discomfort of others keep you from attaining one’s own satisfaction.
TS: What’s the best gore movie of all time (excluding Texas Chainsaw massacre 1 & 2)?
SWEET DADDY: Dawn of the Dead (Italian zombie movies)
BOB: Roller Boogie
STRANGLER: Re-Animator
THE RAPIST: Basket Case
KOMMANDANT KAY (Spiritual Advisor and animal trainer): Evil Dead
TS: Have you ever met Satan? What does he look like?
SK: Briefly, he looks like the drummer from LEGITIMATE REASON, but with more hair.
TS: What’s the “dark side” like?
SK: It’s like a feeling of knowing more than those around you. For six months we were strapped to the Tree of Woe. For six more months we were chained to the Rock of Indecision. After great endurance of suffering, the woman with the third eye took us by the hand to the Pond of Knowingness and said “Now, my disciples, you may gaze upon the Pond.” Having gazed deeply, we ascended the 13th step of the 13th pyramid and were filled with the knowledge of the dark ones. With this knowledge also comes great power we use to steadily establish our dominance over the mortal world. Hail the Chairman of the Board!
TS: Commit any crimes lately?
THE RAPIST: Statutory rape, attempted rape, rape.
BOB: Failure to register a dangerous weapon with local police. Income tax evasion.
STRANGLER: Transporting minors across state lines for immoral purposes. Operating a PCP ring throughout local elementary schools. Illegal sale of snuff items to key members of local arch-diocese.
SWEET DADDY: Running a cock – fighting ring, welfare fraud. Spitting on the sidewalk. Jay-walking.
TS: When will the album be released?
SK: Whenever the Chairman Of The Board deems it to be most effective on the unsuspecting general public.
TS: Earlier, you mentioned something called Dinosaur Rock. Exactly what is that?
SK: Dinosaur Rock is what punks listened to before there was punk rock. It’s slow, methodical, and brutally effective.
TS: Who are your favorite wrestlers?
SK: Our favorite wrestlers are Ric Flair (the World Heavyweight Champion), Kevin Sullivan and Abdullah the Butcher.
TS: What are the plans for the near future of SERIAL KILLERS?
SK: The Chairman of the Board, upon consultation, advises us not to reveal these matters in such context.
TS: Final comments?
SK: Crime pays, getting caught doesn’t. SERIAL KILLERS are interested in meeting large-breasted Swedish exchange students for various cultural experiences. So girls, if you’re dirty and under thirty, you know where our interests lie. You can’t be the first, but you might be the next.
Wow. Look for the debut album – and look out for SERIAL KILLERS at a show near you, unless you have a weak heart. To contact S.K., write to S.K. P.O. BOX 15886, PHILA, PA 19103-0886.